Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others and allowing it to get you down or feel insecure?
Do you wish you could be the same size as someone else, run as fast or as often, make as much money, have the same things or be as good as someone else?
If you’ve answered yes to these questions then it’s ok, you’re not alone. This is something that affects us all and it affected me a lot a few years ago. With the rise in use of social media, this problem is more common.
If it’s something you struggle with then hopefully I can help you find a solution using the same strategy I used.
It would be easy for me to tell you to stop it and that the only person you should compare yourself to is yourself but while that can work to some extent, it doesn’t solve a problem.
The trouble with trying to stop comparing yourself to others is that it’s impossible not to. Comparing things is how the brain works, it compares things all the time. Like when you go to choose what you’re going to wear today or to a party or event, when deciding where to go on holiday or who you want to win Strictly.
The problem isn’t in us comparing ourselves to others, it is in HOW we do it and the lack of strategy for doing it.
Many articles suggest picking out your strengths and weaknesses but if you’re already feeling insecure, wouldn’t that make you feel worse?
Instead of looking at ways of stopping comparing yourself to others, how about we work on embracing it and using it as motivation to help us become better? This way, we can get rid of the negative context completely and use it to drive us forwards.
After all, the brain compares things naturally whether we like it or not!
How To Compare Yourself To Others In A Positive Way
In order to do this, we need to change our mindsets. Let’s create a criteria that we can use to manage how we think of the person we’re comparing ourselves to.
Think of someone you have been comparing yourself to and answer the following questions:
- Who are they and why have you chosen them?
- What are the skills, characteristics or behaviours this person has, or is presenting, that you wish you had?
Notice how the answers you gave to question 2 are already in order of importance to you, the biggest being the first answer. This is an example of how the brain compares things and has already filtered out the most important to the least important without you even thinking about it!
Who are they and why have you chosen this person?
Who is the person you commonly compare yourself to and why have you chosen them? Is it a neighbour, someone you work beside, someone you follow on social media?
Let’s say, for example, you compare yourself to your neighbour. Why them? Why not the person on the other side of you? Why not the people across the road or in the same street?
What are the skills, characteristics or behaviours this person has, or is presenting that you wish you had?
If you look at the person you’re comparing yourself to, what skills, characteristics or behaviours come to mind? Are they funnier? Better looking? More successful? Got more money? Run faster? Leaner? Fitter? What have they got that you don’t have or wish you had? It’s ok to feel like this, it’s perfectly normal.
Now you have a list of answers and a clearer idea of what it is they do that makes them stand out, here are a few more questions to answer:
- How would it be if you were able to be like that?
- How would your life be different if you had those skills, characteristics or behaviours?
- What would happen if you adopted those habits?
- What would happen if you didn’t adopt those habits?
Try it on like a jacket
If we take the answers to these questions, along with the answers from the previous ones, we now have a few skills, characteristics and behaviours that we perceive the other person to have.
Imagine trying them on yourself, like a jacket.
How would that feel for you if you had those skills, characteristics and behaviours? If it doesn’t feel right, how would you adapt them so that they did feel right for you?
If all this feels good, and it makes you feel happier and more confident, what would need to change in order for you to be like that all the time? Do you need to do a course in order to get a better job? Do you need to be more productive with your time or is it you just need a change in mindset?
When you think about all this and you having all these new behaviours, how do you feel about that other person now? Are you still comparing yourself to them or has that changed?
One final thought. What if the person you’re comparing yourself to, told you they wished they could be like you?
Would you like to make a change, believe in yourself and feel better about yourself again? Get in touch and begin your journey.
Would you like to reward your partner or a friend with some PT sessions this Christmas? Ask me about gift vouchers.
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